The big-spending, freewheeling, hell-bent-for-leather Yankees are back!
That's right! They're going to take a run at the free agent sweepstakes for - GASP! - Freddie Freeman! The biggest name on the board! (Aside from Carlos Correa who is waaay too expensive, people, I mean, come on, it doesn't grow on trees!)
That's the latest rumor, according to the unnamed sources that have made Twitter the gold-standard of truth in America. The Yankees plan to - GASP! - "take a run" at Freddie.
Once we end this sad lockout - WHICH THE OWNERS HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO CALL! - Yankee super-scion Hal Steinbrenner will open his magical checkbook and restore the franchise to its perch as the largest stack of money in pro sports.
Surely, Freddie will spend the rest of February next to the landline, awaiting Cooperstown Cashman's historic call.
Like Manny Machado did. Like Bryce Harper did. Like Zach Wheeler, Patrick Corbin, Max Scherzer, Nathan Eovaldi, Yu Darvish and practically the entire island nation of Japan... Didn't we take a run at them, too?
Okay... I get it that the Yankees can't sign everyone. And two cold winters ago, yes, Hal shelled out for Gerrit Cole. But I'll believe Freddie Freeman in pinstripes when Cash calls a news conference instead of the 1-800 Tip Line. A tweet suggesting that Shallow Hal might unzip his fanny pack is less a cause for hope than just another gruesome reminder of what the Yankees used to be... and are no longer.
So, they'll "take a run" at Freddie? WTF does that even mean? They talked up Bryce Harper, then hid under their beds when he came to visit. They lip-synched praise for Machado, but never sent him an offer - terrified that he'd accept.
What is "taking a run?" Will they match the Braves offer? Will they "monitor" the bidding? A Zoom conference? A meeting of the brain trust? Will Cash draw columns on the whiteboard? WHY WE SHOULD SIGN HIM and WHY WE SHOULD NOT SIGN HIM. They'll fill in reasons, wipe it clean, have Miss Bixley type up the report and put it on Hal's desk by the following Tuesday. Then the Prince of Luxury Tax Austerity will rule. And we all know where this goes from there...
I'm sorry. But you can't just deflate expectations for 12 straight years and then expect everyone to jump for joy.
The Yankees are in a sorry situation, matched only by the game itself.
Even as Covid numbers plummet nationwide, the 2022 baseball season looks increasingly endangered.
We don't need false hopes. And frankly, unless Hal intends to shoot the moon - that is, spend for a catcher, a shortstop, a centerfielder and pitching - adding a 1B looks like a shaky strategy, anyway.
Sorry, folks. But it's just too cold outside to go stand on the Canyon of Heroes and wait for the parade.